I have been wanting to write for the past week.... I come up with something ..... and when I do sit down to write, I forget what I had been thinking about earlier.... My mind is clogged.... It's a mumbo jumbo of too many thoughts stirred together.... I am not able to come out of this state of mind..... perhaps it's because I am thinking too much..... too much about trivial issues..... I can't seem to stop thinking about too many things at a time.... each thought is shooting though my brain in all directions..... I am totally confused and sometimes all this confusion is too much to take and all i want to do is scream.... but I can't even do that.... people will think I am crazy, if I start to scream for no reason.... *chuckles* I just imagined a scenario where I scream suddenly and the reactions of the people around me..... perhaps I would end up scaring them first......*chuckles again* I am unable to do anything about this right now, so I might as well laugh about it.....
While I am unable to come up with anything sensible, I just thought I'll write about my state of mind itself....
Hoping to get out of this soon..........
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Sunday, March 21, 2010
Head on with dificulties
I had a disagreement with the principal of the school where I work....because of a misunderstanding created by a collegue....
I don't know why... and if it is the same with other people also...... I am faced with a lot of people in life who have a problem with me, although I am just being myself..... Or perhaps the truth is I take it too personally, and thus it affetcs me a lot.
As, it is my first job, and I have never been in a situation like this at work, where someone stabbed behind my back, and I am also blamed for take the stabbing... it's a first... now I want to clear my name...
I am thinking, why people do things like that, they act as your good friends, where as all the time, they are nurturing insecurity and jealousy with themselves and when the time is right, they stab you...
My husband says that's how the world is.... very very bad.... I don't know what to think... because that's what I have seen in my experience, when you are good to people, you never get goodness in return... the world is good only to people who are hypocrites... people who sing your praises in front of you and as soon as you turn your back bite you... it hurts me bad, makes me want to do bad to all those people who have done me wrong..... I want to take my revenge on them... then....
... Then.... I stop myself right on time..... What will I achieve by doing them wrong in return. Yes, I am hurt right now, by the injustice of the world.... but, what will I achieve, may be some satisfaction to soothe the evil in me.... but other than that nothing...... What difference will there remain between me and the people who harm me.... if they are bad.... taking my revenge on them makes me bad too... and I don't want to go down to that level..... My rewards are with my Almighty.....
I want to achieve something in my life, and I must learn to face these difficulties head on... I am going to try and be a stronger person, starting now... and I am not going to let these small emotional endeavours stop me... after all this is what I wanted..... to face the world... to know the world and the different kind of people living in it..... I am not going to let a few bad apples stop me...
Life indeed would be dull if there were no such difficulties......... The big bad world here I come.....
I don't know why... and if it is the same with other people also...... I am faced with a lot of people in life who have a problem with me, although I am just being myself..... Or perhaps the truth is I take it too personally, and thus it affetcs me a lot.
As, it is my first job, and I have never been in a situation like this at work, where someone stabbed behind my back, and I am also blamed for take the stabbing... it's a first... now I want to clear my name...
I am thinking, why people do things like that, they act as your good friends, where as all the time, they are nurturing insecurity and jealousy with themselves and when the time is right, they stab you...
My husband says that's how the world is.... very very bad.... I don't know what to think... because that's what I have seen in my experience, when you are good to people, you never get goodness in return... the world is good only to people who are hypocrites... people who sing your praises in front of you and as soon as you turn your back bite you... it hurts me bad, makes me want to do bad to all those people who have done me wrong..... I want to take my revenge on them... then....
... Then.... I stop myself right on time..... What will I achieve by doing them wrong in return. Yes, I am hurt right now, by the injustice of the world.... but, what will I achieve, may be some satisfaction to soothe the evil in me.... but other than that nothing...... What difference will there remain between me and the people who harm me.... if they are bad.... taking my revenge on them makes me bad too... and I don't want to go down to that level..... My rewards are with my Almighty.....
I want to achieve something in my life, and I must learn to face these difficulties head on... I am going to try and be a stronger person, starting now... and I am not going to let these small emotional endeavours stop me... after all this is what I wanted..... to face the world... to know the world and the different kind of people living in it..... I am not going to let a few bad apples stop me...
Life indeed would be dull if there were no such difficulties......... The big bad world here I come.....
Thursday, March 11, 2010
Chaos on the Indian roads.
There is something about Indian roads and the Indian traffic......
We in India say that if you can drive in India, its a piece of cake to drive in any part in the world.....
We say this because driving requires loads of talent in this country.......
You should also know a little bit of telepathy...... read on to know why.....
For one, nobody and I mean nobody follows the rules..... you'll find people breaking them all the time..... Rules what rules.... they are for you, not for me.....
Everyday I am faced with this ..... and especially when you are a woman and driving..... the Men have a problem.... Its okay you can drive.... as long as its a small car...... but if they see a woman driving a big car... they have some serious ego problems..... Like today I was trying to get out of a junction with four roads.....{ its an odd junction off sorts.... well, with chennai, you'll always find odd junctions errupting from almost anywhere....} well getting back to the point.......One of the connecting roads, in the junction is a one way ,but who cares if its a one way..... there was a huge jam and nobody had patience ... everyone wants to rush.... not that waiting for a couple of minutes is going to delay them much, but our country men are always in the race of being FIRST...... so, everybody in a rush to get out of the jam.... were making the jam even worse..... and I in the midst of it was patiently making my way out and I get bombared by other's for being patient.... I wanted to fight back but that would have made the matter worse..... it would have caused further more chaos so I thought the most sensible thing to do was to get away from there as soon as possible......
You can find this scenario in almost every other part of the city...... not just jams or impatient commuters...... you can find pedestrians, or motor cyclist, or cyclist poping out of nowhere on a high way.... or a main road, Auto rickshaw's just stopping in the middle of the road without warning.... (know why you need the telepathy) Public buses supposedly stopping at the bus stops.....but actually blocking the road causing further disruption to the flowing traffic.......
And the worst of all..... You drive minding your business..... and an Auto rickshaw driver... or a Motor cyclist whose attention is anywhere but on the road ahead..... comes and rams into your vehicle and then the man whose was enjoying looking at whatever that he was looking at tells his sad story to the victim and takes money from the victim....... and moves on.... where else does this sort of thing happen...... I wonder.....
However, one thing is certain.....
We in India say that if you can drive in India, its a piece of cake to drive in any part in the world.....
We say this because driving requires loads of talent in this country.......
You should also know a little bit of telepathy...... read on to know why.....
For one, nobody and I mean nobody follows the rules..... you'll find people breaking them all the time..... Rules what rules.... they are for you, not for me.....
Everyday I am faced with this ..... and especially when you are a woman and driving..... the Men have a problem.... Its okay you can drive.... as long as its a small car...... but if they see a woman driving a big car... they have some serious ego problems..... Like today I was trying to get out of a junction with four roads.....{ its an odd junction off sorts.... well, with chennai, you'll always find odd junctions errupting from almost anywhere....} well getting back to the point.......One of the connecting roads, in the junction is a one way ,but who cares if its a one way..... there was a huge jam and nobody had patience ... everyone wants to rush.... not that waiting for a couple of minutes is going to delay them much, but our country men are always in the race of being FIRST...... so, everybody in a rush to get out of the jam.... were making the jam even worse..... and I in the midst of it was patiently making my way out and I get bombared by other's for being patient.... I wanted to fight back but that would have made the matter worse..... it would have caused further more chaos so I thought the most sensible thing to do was to get away from there as soon as possible......
You can find this scenario in almost every other part of the city...... not just jams or impatient commuters...... you can find pedestrians, or motor cyclist, or cyclist poping out of nowhere on a high way.... or a main road, Auto rickshaw's just stopping in the middle of the road without warning.... (know why you need the telepathy) Public buses supposedly stopping at the bus stops.....but actually blocking the road causing further disruption to the flowing traffic.......
And the worst of all..... You drive minding your business..... and an Auto rickshaw driver... or a Motor cyclist whose attention is anywhere but on the road ahead..... comes and rams into your vehicle and then the man whose was enjoying looking at whatever that he was looking at tells his sad story to the victim and takes money from the victim....... and moves on.... where else does this sort of thing happen...... I wonder.....
If you can drive in India............ You can drive in any part of the world........
Monday, March 8, 2010
Hand, you shall work away!
The past week has been pretty hectic for me.... My house maid fell sick..... and I had to do everything from laundry to dishes to cooking to keeping the house clean..........preparing breakfast for hubby dearest and kids..... dropping the kids off at school..... my work at school...... get back home do the dishes.... do the laundry..... lunch(somewhere in between)... clean the house...... prayer... pick up son from his school... pick up daughter from her school..... freshen them up...... make evening snack for them..... start cooking for dinner..... feed the kids.... check home work..... put them to sleep.... wait for hubby to get back home.... have dinner.... clean the dishes.... hit the bed.... My day starts at 5 am in the morning and ends around 11ish...... In between I survived the kids mad fights and a severe migraine attack....... Phew!
I was mad when I heard the maid wasn't coming, but then I calmed down and I decided to relish in housework.... and I actually find being busy quite comforting to the mind..... There's no time to think of any unwanted stuff..... and make yourself miserable..... Being busy..... occupied is a blessing in disguise..... I have started enjoying everything I do..... and it seems less of a trouble..... Like the say "It's All in The Mind."
As I have been working overtime this past week.... The poem I had read as a teenager kept coming to my mind especially one line "But, hand, you shall work away!" I kept telling this to myself as I did my chores... One of my favorite poems of all time.... It is rather a song.......... from LITTLE WOMEN by Louisa May Alcott... here it goes.....
A Song From The Suds.....
Queen of my tub, I merrily sing,
While the white foam rises high,
And sturdily wash and rinse and wring,
And fasten the clothes to dry;
Then out in the free fresh air they swing
Under the sunny sky.
I wish we could wash from our hearts and souls
The strains of the week away,
And let water and air by their magic make
Ourselves as pure as they;
Then on the earth there would be indeed
A glorious washing day!
Along the path of a useful life,
Will heartsease ever bloom;
The busy mind has no time to think
Of sorrow or care or gloom,
And anxious thoughts may be swept away,
as we bravely weild a broom.
I am glad a task to me is given,
To labour at day by day,
For it brings me heath and health and hope,
And I cheerfully learn to say,
" Head you may think,
Heart you may feel,
But, Hand, you shall work away!"
I was mad when I heard the maid wasn't coming, but then I calmed down and I decided to relish in housework.... and I actually find being busy quite comforting to the mind..... There's no time to think of any unwanted stuff..... and make yourself miserable..... Being busy..... occupied is a blessing in disguise..... I have started enjoying everything I do..... and it seems less of a trouble..... Like the say "It's All in The Mind."
A Song From The Suds.....
Queen of my tub, I merrily sing,
While the white foam rises high,
And sturdily wash and rinse and wring,
And fasten the clothes to dry;
Then out in the free fresh air they swing
Under the sunny sky.
I wish we could wash from our hearts and souls
The strains of the week away,
And let water and air by their magic make
Ourselves as pure as they;
Then on the earth there would be indeed
A glorious washing day!
Along the path of a useful life,
Will heartsease ever bloom;
The busy mind has no time to think
Of sorrow or care or gloom,
And anxious thoughts may be swept away,
as we bravely weild a broom.
I am glad a task to me is given,
To labour at day by day,
For it brings me heath and health and hope,
And I cheerfully learn to say,
" Head you may think,
Heart you may feel,
But, Hand, you shall work away!"
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