Learning to fly.......

I have always been scared, to do anything in my life..... Even as a child and an adolescent  I would be very hesitant to express how I feel to my parents..... I was lucky to have found good friends my solace in them...... anything from adolosent crushes to big time failures....... friends have always been there for me......
I have always wanted to do something with my life.... and just didn't know what..... I did number of varied courses, from multimedia to food processing to fashion designing to psychology, jumping from one feild to another.... then after marraige I shoved everything into a closet, with it the dream of achieving something..... this dream of achieving something has always been with me... and I never figured what?

Once married, my life started revolving around the domestic issues, mostly the kitchen politics with my mother in law and I became totally obssessed.... My life became miserable, I forgot what it was to live, cause my life became centered only around my mother in law. I was hopelessly running in all directions and all I ended up with, was a gigantic wall with no escape. A wall I had built around myself.... I had to break this wall.... I had forgotten to do things I enjoyed doing earlier, I forgot to appreciate things around me,  I forgot to thank God for the beautiful life He gave us, I wanted to die, I started wishing for death...... The only thought in my mind those days was to break free from everything..... I went through all this because I was scared, to face things in my life, scared to bring about the changes needed, scared to stand up for myself, scared of the outcome if I did....

Then, a day came after a series of events in my life, where I didn't want to take it anymore, when I didn't want to be scared anymore.... I had had enough of my fears.... I realized that the number one thing I had to break free from was my fear of everything..... I asked myself what is the worst thing that would happen to me if I reacted in a certain way, and to my surprice, the answer was very simple... no consequence was as worse as I had made it out to be in my head... The first thing I did was found a job for myself. I had never before worked in my life, I didn't know what a resume looked like, but I went ahead and made one.... I attended the interview and got the job, although, this is not what I want to do with my life. I had just broken that wall, where I had binded myself.... I had just given myself wings....... and am still Learning to fly.... there's more that I want to achieve, and I know now that I can.... Cause I am not scared any more..... Now things are a lot different..... I get so much support from my mom and my husband.... my friends have always stayed by my side.....though a cliched phrase, they are the wind beneath my wings.....